i just blogged and i'm back for more. second entry within 30 minutes or less. probably less.
idk what the hell i'm even going to write about: there's probably nothing left of BRILLIANCE at 12:32AM on a monday. i have a weird feeling like life is out to get me, and i just need to slip once to get killed. not killed in a death sense, but a lose-everything-and-everyone sense.
maybe that slip is me just raging at the world and say all of you are retarded for making my life harder than it needs to be.
once i divined that the strongest are the ones that can hold it in the best and the longest. you know, all the frustration and hatred for everyone. is it just me, or does everyone out there hate everyone else secretly too? idk.
i need to get the hell off. good night richardson. good night battle.net.
Monday, January 31, 2011
a jumble
i want to say something about my life, but i don't think i have anything much to say right now. maybe it will come out of me as i type this.
i see lots of people in my life, and all of their respective.... aspects of personality, i think is what i want to say. i'd like to say that i'm a better person now than i was, but i'm not sure. i'm trying to be the best i can be. sounds gay, and probably no word i can say now will change that. on the other hand, i guess i'm not trying to defend that either though.
back to the people around me: i've found someone who is so similar to me, and has found so many of the same interests as me. she lives in a completely different world however, so idk if a connection would ever be established. she has a lot to learn about awkwardness :D if she learns though, awkwardness isn't EVER a problem, because you know what causes it and can kill it pretty much whenever.
back to me being gay (jk, me being a better person): people do stupid shit. i guess what i'm trying to say here is that i'm trying to be more patient after people fuck up so hard that it affects other people around them.
another thing i feel is that i'm just blogging to be blogging...i've nothing else to do but let this storm brew and hope it kills tomorrow's math class. i hate math now: it's so difficult to understand, and i won't get anything out of it really. hopefully i can just PASS it; i've had 2 60%s on quizzes already, and those are the only two quizzes we've had so far this year. ugh. i USED to be a beast at this stuff.
i also just realized how much stuff i had on my ipod... music is amazing :) need new stuff though, and need to redownload itunes.
strangely i think joining a fraternity is the next step if i want to experience what my mystery person is experiencing. idk who to join or who will betray me (probably all of them, or they'll all be fleeting friendships or whatever) but i need to see and take that risk. i think. but doing and saying are two very different things.
i see lots of people in my life, and all of their respective.... aspects of personality, i think is what i want to say. i'd like to say that i'm a better person now than i was, but i'm not sure. i'm trying to be the best i can be. sounds gay, and probably no word i can say now will change that. on the other hand, i guess i'm not trying to defend that either though.
back to the people around me: i've found someone who is so similar to me, and has found so many of the same interests as me. she lives in a completely different world however, so idk if a connection would ever be established. she has a lot to learn about awkwardness :D if she learns though, awkwardness isn't EVER a problem, because you know what causes it and can kill it pretty much whenever.
back to me being gay (jk, me being a better person): people do stupid shit. i guess what i'm trying to say here is that i'm trying to be more patient after people fuck up so hard that it affects other people around them.
another thing i feel is that i'm just blogging to be blogging...i've nothing else to do but let this storm brew and hope it kills tomorrow's math class. i hate math now: it's so difficult to understand, and i won't get anything out of it really. hopefully i can just PASS it; i've had 2 60%s on quizzes already, and those are the only two quizzes we've had so far this year. ugh. i USED to be a beast at this stuff.
i also just realized how much stuff i had on my ipod... music is amazing :) need new stuff though, and need to redownload itunes.
strangely i think joining a fraternity is the next step if i want to experience what my mystery person is experiencing. idk who to join or who will betray me (probably all of them, or they'll all be fleeting friendships or whatever) but i need to see and take that risk. i think. but doing and saying are two very different things.
Monday, January 24, 2011
as i write this,
i wonder if you are the same as the rest, just another glorified, older shelly with different coloured hair. what makes you so different from the rest? you still avoid just like everybody else, and deny existence just like everybody else.
yes, you can follow my wit/jokes, but for how long? how do i know this is worth pursuing?
so far, i've seen the same in my own past, and that makes me so suspicious. i hate being a killjoy, but everyone knows why i am apprehensive.
yes, you can follow my wit/jokes, but for how long? how do i know this is worth pursuing?
so far, i've seen the same in my own past, and that makes me so suspicious. i hate being a killjoy, but everyone knows why i am apprehensive.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
stupidity and immaturity
do not net you rewards, priorities, or special privileges. please know that. yes, this is directed at you.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
the next step:
after your expo, what is YOUR MIDGAME PLAN!?!?
this involves taking your third base, "starving your opponent out", or in general just denying my opponent something.
i believe the idea is to set a goal, and THEN identify a means or way to get there. one can say: "I'm going to win this game by doing: X."
right now, contrary to my recent belief that TvZ is my strong point, it seems to be my weakest. now, however, without mines from vultures like in SC1, tanks seem to be the only way to survive against mass zergling/baneling in the midgame/early game. siege mode seems to be a requisite in order to do anything beyond one base. mass air? a la TLO? as in cloaked banshee into a few turrets for when they get mutas, and then get vikings with your already built starport? thors seem too immobile and i believe they would actually give zerg the advantage to expand and have map control.
things i would like to work on:
--SCOUTING. i never feel like i know what route zerg (or any opponent, really) is doing until i have seen it KILL me.
--getting map control. i understand the faster army is allowed to move around the map, but is there a way i can impose map control on zerg? cloaked banshees seem like they would buy me time to get SIEGE MODE T_T up.... i prefer having something else. terran is defensively strong... maybe a planetary fortress as a first expo would help me establish a quick expo on maps like xelnaga caverns?
i guess the bottom line is that i have to try it. seems very... nooby but maybe it would work. banelings would have no chance. zerglings would receive splash, and marines can clean up mutalisks. hm.
this involves taking your third base, "starving your opponent out", or in general just denying my opponent something.
i believe the idea is to set a goal, and THEN identify a means or way to get there. one can say: "I'm going to win this game by doing: X."
right now, contrary to my recent belief that TvZ is my strong point, it seems to be my weakest. now, however, without mines from vultures like in SC1, tanks seem to be the only way to survive against mass zergling/baneling in the midgame/early game. siege mode seems to be a requisite in order to do anything beyond one base. mass air? a la TLO? as in cloaked banshee into a few turrets for when they get mutas, and then get vikings with your already built starport? thors seem too immobile and i believe they would actually give zerg the advantage to expand and have map control.
things i would like to work on:
--SCOUTING. i never feel like i know what route zerg (or any opponent, really) is doing until i have seen it KILL me.
--getting map control. i understand the faster army is allowed to move around the map, but is there a way i can impose map control on zerg? cloaked banshees seem like they would buy me time to get SIEGE MODE T_T up.... i prefer having something else. terran is defensively strong... maybe a planetary fortress as a first expo would help me establish a quick expo on maps like xelnaga caverns?
i guess the bottom line is that i have to try it. seems very... nooby but maybe it would work. banelings would have no chance. zerglings would receive splash, and marines can clean up mutalisks. hm.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
so:
recap:
got a laptop, and it's brand new and MINE. that's the most important thing; that it's mine. i finally have a portal to the electronic world that i can access at any time.
i love this thing :D
that is not the point of this entry however, i would like to think that i may have come up with a new sc2 name. at first i cringed at the sight of my initial capitalization, but i don't know how i'll do it right now any way. at least i'm not sure. the word however, is
revolution.
got a laptop, and it's brand new and MINE. that's the most important thing; that it's mine. i finally have a portal to the electronic world that i can access at any time.
i love this thing :D
that is not the point of this entry however, i would like to think that i may have come up with a new sc2 name. at first i cringed at the sight of my initial capitalization, but i don't know how i'll do it right now any way. at least i'm not sure. the word however, is
revolution.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
something about
his character that's so irreplaceable.
i flipped through one of ben's FB picture albums today. it was pretty simple; he was riding a bike through some "erwin park" with shelly, but it was like i could see him there in person and feel his character right through the picture. idk what it is...
feels kind of like he could find something fun in anything. even the simple stuff. i really don't think anybody else has that kind of quality around here. everybody else needs tech or money being spent to have fun, and that's including the feeling you get when you've spent money.... you HAVE to have fun; otherwise "it wasn't worth it."
i think it helps him that he grew up poor and suddenly found a way to live with a lot of money, which is seen in his general dislike for xbox after a while, and his gradual drift back to basic stuff. for a while, he downloaded so many demos on xbox that he filled up 20gigs worth of hard drive almost instantly, but then the trend faded. i'm definitely jealous of that; to be happy around anything, even when times suck/are boring/don't have much around.
all he needed was a car. that's it. the ability to change places and he was set. that didn't bring anything for me, i still don't abuse it like i should.
don't know if i'll ever be that easily satisfied. can't really see it happening, especially since i hate most things in this world and get pissed off really easily at the little stuff, no matter how marginally imperfect.
i flipped through one of ben's FB picture albums today. it was pretty simple; he was riding a bike through some "erwin park" with shelly, but it was like i could see him there in person and feel his character right through the picture. idk what it is...
feels kind of like he could find something fun in anything. even the simple stuff. i really don't think anybody else has that kind of quality around here. everybody else needs tech or money being spent to have fun, and that's including the feeling you get when you've spent money.... you HAVE to have fun; otherwise "it wasn't worth it."
i think it helps him that he grew up poor and suddenly found a way to live with a lot of money, which is seen in his general dislike for xbox after a while, and his gradual drift back to basic stuff. for a while, he downloaded so many demos on xbox that he filled up 20gigs worth of hard drive almost instantly, but then the trend faded. i'm definitely jealous of that; to be happy around anything, even when times suck/are boring/don't have much around.
all he needed was a car. that's it. the ability to change places and he was set. that didn't bring anything for me, i still don't abuse it like i should.
don't know if i'll ever be that easily satisfied. can't really see it happening, especially since i hate most things in this world and get pissed off really easily at the little stuff, no matter how marginally imperfect.
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