i don't think i should focus on anything but starcraft

and of course getting a job for the summer. other than that, when i get my new computer i should reach the top of the ladder through unrelenting search for knowledge :D never again will i ever assume (yeah, right) that anyone is any different or better. pretty much, everybody is all the same in their own "unique" way. there is no such thing as perfect, just the one that you settle for. it's disgusting, but it's also the truth about people. better get used to it, just like everything else in this shitty life.

trying to find myself again

this is scary. i'm trying to find something that i've never found or even seen but i'm still looking! i don't really have a goal but i'm ok, because i have people. is it wrong that i'm doing something about PEOPLE and looking for a new way to exist around the people that could reinvent me? break is going to be hell. i can only half imagine her face and i REALLY want to know what else is in her head. i hate more than anything, anything in the world, to not be able to remember a face, especially one i don't want to forget. time to strain my mental capacity in trying to remember -_-

have i ever done this?

waited and waited for a text like this? i think maybe once or twice, but it's been so long since then. 2 minutes in person and i'm trapped. i don't get it. it really does make absolutely zero sense. hope everything goes according to this pseudoplan and i can grab a win :)

are there any words?

are there any words for such a story? this person will never know what goes on here. but seriously. is there anything to be said for the infinitely small focus on which this person dwells? short story retold even shorter: person receives two pieces of cake instead of one. why is this one happy? because of the receipt of two pieces of cake. did he share them with anyone? did he change someone else's day? did he affect the world in any way beyond making himself less healthy and getting happyness out of someone else's unhappyness? "today was a good day." a better quote: "seduce my mind and you can have my body; find my soul and i'm yours forever."

i can hear myself singing

as if i were another (third) person, watching the whole thing from the side or above or whatever. the scary stuff is that i don't even feel or see the emotions that i'm watching myself express. i know they are there, but they don't feel right or real. i cannot WAIT till the day i can just be myself again. maybe i'll have to wait till the sky stops falling. and guess who's fault that is? probably mine. i suck at starcraft. i don't know what my problem is. my decision making sucks ass or something. not really sure. shouldn't have let the drop unfold today in CSL. should have drew the army, and had MY real army in position to kill all his probes and 3rd nexus. quit losing to colossus. no korean does, neither should i. just make some vikings, don't throw away stupid supply. school tomorrow is going to be full of boring stuff, as usual. guess i better get into the american zombie mindset. go to work/school, do your homework, eat something unhealthy, go to bed, do not have fun. do not pass go. do not collect $20. yes, $20. until the next time i really realize that my life sucks, it's been real.

bose forgot something

clinton's voice clearly has not been tested against the sound insulation of their products. nothing is louder than this kid. i don't know how i'm going to sleep, play starcraft, listen to music, or just simply disappear for a while. holy hell.

it seems i only come here when things go wrong

now is no different. i'm lost without you. that's it. the truth is that you're actually no different than anyone else, and actually just the final warning i needed to know that there are actually no good people in the world. thanks for that. enjoy being the person i made you, and hope i never leave the back of your memory. bye.