i can hear myself singing

as if i were another (third) person, watching the whole thing from the side or above or whatever. the scary stuff is that i don't even feel or see the emotions that i'm watching myself express. i know they are there, but they don't feel right or real. i cannot WAIT till the day i can just be myself again. maybe i'll have to wait till the sky stops falling. and guess who's fault that is? probably mine. i suck at starcraft. i don't know what my problem is. my decision making sucks ass or something. not really sure. shouldn't have let the drop unfold today in CSL. should have drew the army, and had MY real army in position to kill all his probes and 3rd nexus. quit losing to colossus. no korean does, neither should i. just make some vikings, don't throw away stupid supply. school tomorrow is going to be full of boring stuff, as usual. guess i better get into the american zombie mindset. go to work/school, do your homework, eat something unhealthy, go to bed, do not have fun. do not pass go. do not collect $20. yes, $20. until the next time i really realize that my life sucks, it's been real.