i have nothing left

no friends to confide in, nothing secretive to keep from the world, no stick to measure my (insignificant?) progress. i am alone in a world which is unfamiliar and foreign and scary. i don't know where to go or what to do, and the life support is in short supply. it's so frightening to see everything change around me, and have nothing to go on, no guide to follow. this is the territory where Josh Waitzkin thrives. i wonder if i can do it too. maybe this will be my final test, to see if i can change with the times. beyond that, nothing will matter, because i can adapt to it. kind of a... final exam. too bad it's lifelong. no rest σ_σ

i don't think i should focus on anything but starcraft

and of course getting a job for the summer. other than that, when i get my new computer i should reach the top of the ladder through unrelenting search for knowledge :D never again will i ever assume (yeah, right) that anyone is any different or better. pretty much, everybody is all the same in their own "unique" way. there is no such thing as perfect, just the one that you settle for. it's disgusting, but it's also the truth about people. better get used to it, just like everything else in this shitty life.

trying to find myself again

this is scary. i'm trying to find something that i've never found or even seen but i'm still looking! i don't really have a goal but i'm ok, because i have people. is it wrong that i'm doing something about PEOPLE and looking for a new way to exist around the people that could reinvent me? break is going to be hell. i can only half imagine her face and i REALLY want to know what else is in her head. i hate more than anything, anything in the world, to not be able to remember a face, especially one i don't want to forget. time to strain my mental capacity in trying to remember -_-