and i don't even know what it is, yet it pisses me off to think i'm missing something. sad but the truth. i'm being selfish about this, don't get me wrong, i'm mad about myself not being all-inclusive, and not mad about losing you. i'm just still being the same old undeveloped person that everyone is used to pushing around and calling useless and "needs improvement" and stuff.
only thing to do to get rid of my negative energy is turn it into workout energy or whatever. really hard to do when your dad consistently gets you up at 8-9 every fucking morning to do this project or that. really makes the idea of actually taking a long run and working yourself out for a good half hour pretty unattractive.
also: getting sick of my manager bitching and throwing a fit and being a little perfectionist for his company's image. guess is better anyways, get over it. other than that the job isn't too bad, except for the shitty pay, which i could find virtually anywhere else.
soccer is also annoying, with people joining last minute. get your shit straight, play for the team or don't play, i'm not here to waste my time and "have fun." i want to win. it's not a "oh, whatever, no big deal that we lost." i paid money for this shit. let's get better and understand the game and go WIN some games, and save your gf for after the practice or whatever.
so glad my blog has turned into a negative outlet for me. great use of my recordable thought website. time for bed and to start the same shit up for tomorrow. service industry, nice.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
unwanted house guests
for 4 years, troy will have to endure 2 strangers in the forms of middle school girls. that is not fair to me, troy, or mom. all of us will have to do more work, while my dad just goes happygolucky over everything, claiming fake family honor and shit. troy will come home with no one real to talk to, and no space (or not as much) to call his own. mom will have to keep buying them female hygiene products and take them to school (or someone will), and they may join sports team that require addition bull shit, not to mention every single meal time which will never be the same again. it's going to be awful for everyone that wants to eat a meal with people they know for a fact.
i will be the least affected, being at college most of the time. dad said that they are going to leave for summers, so that basically means i won't see them at all. this summer rocks/sucks all at once. i don't even know if my dad is leaving for good, and i don't know if i want him to leave or just don't care or don't want him to leave... not sure, nothing is for certain except uncertainty.
i will be the least affected, being at college most of the time. dad said that they are going to leave for summers, so that basically means i won't see them at all. this summer rocks/sucks all at once. i don't even know if my dad is leaving for good, and i don't know if i want him to leave or just don't care or don't want him to leave... not sure, nothing is for certain except uncertainty.
Monday, May 16, 2011
a bit worrying
that i do not have enough money. it's going to be tight until my first pay check, and i fucking hate that feeling. i wish it would go away... i hate the discomfort of having to borrow things. sure, it probably sucks to work at ihop for a night shift or whatever, but at least you have money to pay for things, and go out with friends and stuff. i had a job, but gave it up to go to college. college drains all money.
i have $30 in front of me, and tomorrow i have to pay for an oil change: there goes $20. with the last ten i need gas: news flash dad, that is not enough for a tank of gas. i really don't know what to say to my friends when they realize that i've been trying to organize a good indoor soccer team with NO money. i have good music taste, soccer skills, a decent set of friends that aren't really all that bad if you don't rely on them too much, a good computer, a very nice mouse, a roof , food and a bed, but NO money. funny how you can be that screwed with just one ingredient missing. i hate, absolutely hate people who bitch about it, but now i'm really starting to see why people do it; they need a way out, and now i'm in the same boat. it's a simple problem, but has no easy, quick fix solutions beyond traps such as loans or whatever. it's so annoying. you grow up a proper boy, right manners and all that good shit, and you end up poor. on the other hand, your rich frisco school mates that you know will never experience this in their lives are rude S.O.B.s that couldn't be nice when something bad happened if their lives depended on it.
also: why do we need girls? i just need more ladder games. that's all i need, really. tomorrow is going to be hella fun paying 8 dollars to get just enough gas to get me to the honda dealer and then have JUST enough to pay for a fucking oil change. awesome. between the teaser cash from my parents and the fact that they can rend my bank account for as much as they want and then not pay me back (on the grounds of "i can't right now.") is a great feeling to return to. i also need to confirm that i've been put into proper classes for next year, and i've also been given the chore of moving my stuff from college out of the garage. some of it is furniture; i don't know where to put it! quit being lazy and do it yourself, if you want it moved so bad.
people to hang out with this summer (that would be worth my time and MONEY):
-hailey
-kyle
-clinton
-paulina? not sure, that'd be great but not sure.
not too many more. unrelated: would like to increase my typing speed to day9 levels: i think the secret is just knowing what you're going to say next.
i have $30 in front of me, and tomorrow i have to pay for an oil change: there goes $20. with the last ten i need gas: news flash dad, that is not enough for a tank of gas. i really don't know what to say to my friends when they realize that i've been trying to organize a good indoor soccer team with NO money. i have good music taste, soccer skills, a decent set of friends that aren't really all that bad if you don't rely on them too much, a good computer, a very nice mouse, a roof , food and a bed, but NO money. funny how you can be that screwed with just one ingredient missing. i hate, absolutely hate people who bitch about it, but now i'm really starting to see why people do it; they need a way out, and now i'm in the same boat. it's a simple problem, but has no easy, quick fix solutions beyond traps such as loans or whatever. it's so annoying. you grow up a proper boy, right manners and all that good shit, and you end up poor. on the other hand, your rich frisco school mates that you know will never experience this in their lives are rude S.O.B.s that couldn't be nice when something bad happened if their lives depended on it.
also: why do we need girls? i just need more ladder games. that's all i need, really. tomorrow is going to be hella fun paying 8 dollars to get just enough gas to get me to the honda dealer and then have JUST enough to pay for a fucking oil change. awesome. between the teaser cash from my parents and the fact that they can rend my bank account for as much as they want and then not pay me back (on the grounds of "i can't right now.") is a great feeling to return to. i also need to confirm that i've been put into proper classes for next year, and i've also been given the chore of moving my stuff from college out of the garage. some of it is furniture; i don't know where to put it! quit being lazy and do it yourself, if you want it moved so bad.
people to hang out with this summer (that would be worth my time and MONEY):
-hailey
-kyle
-clinton
-paulina? not sure, that'd be great but not sure.
not too many more. unrelated: would like to increase my typing speed to day9 levels: i think the secret is just knowing what you're going to say next.
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