a realization

so here i am, dying in everyone's phone books on their cell phones, a stupid b-lister to be forgotten. everybody else has their mainstream stuff to be done, while i just don't feel like joining the idiots.

this is the beginning of the ending season to my life. after this season there may not be much more for me to live for, because the number and level of cohesion of the good people left here in my part of the world are dwindling beyond reason.

yes, people grow up and do bigger and better things than soccer at a rec level, but i am not a riser and do not give a flying rat's ass about what is gained or lost on a material level. it's about proving who you are through what you do, and some people just do not get it. i feel people are so misdirected these days, letting egos and their own self-importance take number one priority over everything else, even when they're having fun with other people.

on the other hand and yet closely related, are the people who just don't care for that shit and put everyone else first: kyle. today while we were playing soccer, some kid didn't bring water (he was cocky and self-important) and i felt pretty vengeful. didn't feel like giving him part of my only gatorade. kyle did. idk why. such a nice guy, even puts up with basel's shit. not sure why. maybe revenge and righteous runs in my veins, but forgiveness and a bigger picture run in his. no idea. wish i knew, but there need to be more people like us.

seriously, no kidding around, there are already wars and stupid fights and wastes of good resources because people just HAVE to be the best. that's fine in a harmless environment like a game. but over gas and just seeming cool and having people accept you? you're trash, but unfortunately, you make up the majority, so that means you're allowed to continue ruling.

i don't think this will stop, but if it ever does, humanity will have to realize it and just give it all up on it's own. joyful thoughts of oblivion.