i didn't ask for this

BS. i came home to watch my brother play orchestra on GLEE/pizza/roommate bonding night (which i need to catch up on, they continuously watch things and do things without me) and end up having to put up with an annoying mom, obnoxious dad, and my grandparents. wtf?

i wish i would have stayed at college. screw home life. this is dumb. why should i put up with this?

my mom asked if i was hungry. i said yes. she goes downstairs. my dad ISN'T hungry so we don't go eat. apparently his vote counts more than mine. (troy is probably preparing for his concert, he isn't home.) then i go downstairs where i can get a snack since i can't eat at a decent hour because of my dad, where it's sprung on me that my stupid grandparents are coming. i hate being "pleasant" when i don't have to. screw this. i want some time where i don't have to be my public self. at college i can do this.

i swear my mom didn't tell me that they were coming but she said she did. my fucking dad now has the nerve to butt in and say "why are you so moody all of a sudden?" why do you think? not only can i not eat when 2 out of 3 present people are hungry, my grandparents are coming over and everything will be awkward (to the point of strange) for the night, until i leave. you're right, i don't have a reason to be angry. none at all. actually, i prefer this situation where i can just eat JUNK food versus having a real meal which would be healthy, and have sub-par company to boot! especially at my brother's concert, where i have nothing in common with the music that's being played except my brother. i don't even think he would care if i came or not, i don't think this concert is particularly important.

my brother is the only reason i don't just commit suicide today. i do not give a shit for anything or anyone else in this house.

also, i've reached a moral point that even surpasses my dad. i realized this after receiving our new phones. i like mine, don't get me wrong. i don't love it; i realize that we WILL find glitches, so i am trying to not go too hard on the drooling side of things.

unlike my dad, who every single time i've seen him since i got the phone has mentioned it, saying this exact line: "yeah, i think it's a really cool phone. you can do a lot with it." yes, facebook, internet, stupid scrabble-like games, and even a magic touch screen with "Swype" technology.

STILL JUST A PHONE. it's just a material thing. the next generation one will come out and blow you away just like this one did. except apple probably did it first and better, unlike our cheap knockoff version. but damn, we got a better deal, yes we did.

i'm really tired (as you can probably imagine) of all the small talk people do over stupid things like phones. they're phones. you use them. once my dad even said "you use the phone, don't let it use you" as he caught me texting while i did my homework. (i still made As that year, like every year, so he can fuck off, again) the thing is, he's letting this "smart phone" use him. he's on it all the time. i don't even care about mine. smart phones have been around since the iphone. it's not new to me. i still prefer real people to technology, and even though tech is a great substitute, it will never be the same.

the (edit:second to) last thing i will mention in this entry is the difference of being oppressed by someone else's plans and having so much freedom you don't know what to do with it. the prior sucks, that's really it. if you go too much against the trend, they ask you why you are doing that and you can't just say "well, i just didn't want to." you are literally stuck doing whatever is going on that night, like NOW.

on the other hand, being so bored that you don't know what to do can be fixed the instant you find something. however, it can be pretty mind-dulling as well.

the difference (and also the point i'm getting at) is that you can CHOOSE. like the underground man said, "even the most advantageous thing is not as good as doing things YOUR way. this is because it's YOUR way."

that is all for tonight, my dad just said "are you sure you don't want anything to eat? it could be a while before we eat a real dinner."


who's fault is that?