It's been a while.

Almost two thousand views and this blog is so uncared for :( the previous post is months old I think! I'll be trying harder to keep this up to date. Cool story of the day/personal growth moment: I see a gorgeous looking female on the way to a professor's office. I stare. She stares back. I pass her, and get further down the hallway. She's, like, 11/10*, so I decide to look again. I look over my shoulder back at her. SHE'S STILL LOOKING O_O I get around the corner, and think, "I'm never going to see her again if I don't go now." I turn back, with the intention of conversation. I approach the target. "....... excuse me" (Improper grammar significant of a lack of volume and bad posture/general creepiness.) "?" (<-- that is a whole phrase in girl-speak) *here I man up and use an indoor voice instead of a freaking whisper* "I was wondering if I could have your number? I really like your style" *simultaneous gesture to indicate her stylin' hairdo + general badassery* ---------HERE IS WHERE IT GETS HOT AND DIRTY. Kind of.------------ We kept eye contact for the entire exchange. I finish the above statement, and as I do, she pauses, long enough for me to think, "Okay, she's going to say yes, but doesn't want to seem overeager... cool" and I put my hand into my pocket to grab my phone in preparation for greedy number gobbling. Her entire body tweaks and yearns to betray the following statement: "I.. have a boyfriend." She still doesn't break eye contact as disappointment shows on my face. I eject with a "Have a nice day." The growth comes from the fact that I have never made someone's BODY CONTORT BEFORE :D I guess it's really not my doing; they liked me, and that's something I can't control. However, I did hold eye contact with a total stranger better than I ever have. * = Not a proper fraction. Maybe one day I'll explain what 11/10 in a girl means ;)

I was just thinking about music

and realized I wasn't recording my thoughts! Why not? :) Music can sound good or bad depending on the day that you're listening to it; average music, that is. Good songs, I think, sound good forever, regardless of when you're listening, or at least fit into a lot more days than average stuff does. I'm writing this as I: 1) delay homework :D 2) choose to play halo or SC2 3) fix my music on my phone, which inspired the first paragraph above. I really think that music is not something that can be rushed. Putting everything you know NEEDS to be in there cannot be done all at one time. So this is where I stop for today :D

21st

I hear my dad's voice saying, "Use technology. Don't let it use you." (against homework) Psy - Father All the other kids and their failures/BMs/things that set them back (EXPAND HERE)

today's endeavors :D

today: -found out the power of streaming and a little more about the opponent who defeated me at MLG Dallas (QxGTheognis) -skipped class to take notes at home over said skipped class.. i think it was worth it -smiled a ton and it paid off -started catching up with the homework that started piling up from MLG Dallas -might be able to have kyle play in CSL -did the equivalent of flash's proxy 2 rax on game 7 in real life :D AND I WON -became a champion at the local indoor soccer place... ezpzlmonsqze WOAH :D time for bed and a certain text tomorrow! GLHF

lessons i learned today:

1. prepare for the unexpected. that way, you just expected it, and you'll be golden. 2. to win, you might have to deceive yourself in some way. this can be some motivational music, talking to someone inspirational, watching someone inspirational, or seeing something differently. 3. you are going to MELTDOWN if you keep deceiving yourself. you MUST reload/recharge your mental abilities. trying to keep going on leads to sudden explosions of emotion, something that really cool people never seem to have. (bet you didn't notice that before now :D) 4. just win. it's that simple. find the best way out of the terrible, ugly, downward spiraling, awkward situation you're in, and follow your judgement to the ends of the earth. knowing that you're on the path to the exit should be enough to convince yourself to do whatever you were previously unwilling to do and get out of that bad place in the best shape possible. 5. never lose your cool. this is kind of a combination of the previous four points, but it bears "repeating," because it's so easy to get caught up in the moment. nothing gives a massive advantage like keeping your cool. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i'm tired. i've been running all week (first continuous week in probably........ 2.5 years? that's not good man) and i'm actually going for 2 weeks straight! i might give it a rest day, but i'm not sure. tomorrow is the first indoor game, so i get to use that for running. don't know if i like that or not. going to bed, good night, world who doesn't know i exist yet

Stolen from Liquid'Nony

There is no point to life. If you ask someone "why?", over and over, until the only thing left to explain is the common reason for doing anything at all, for living, for being happy, you will be met with irrationality. No one has ever given a good reason. Motivations get reduced to feelings, not reasons. All of our reasoning begins with premises of (1) feeling a will to survive and (2) feeling a desire to be happy. Rational justification for every act begins with "Assuming you want to live and be happy..." Depression, in my experience, is the diminishment of these feelings. When you do something that should make you happy by all reasonable measures, you aren't happy. When you do something that should make you sad, you don't feel any worse. When you do nothing, you don't feel any different. A lack of those fundamental feelings is to blame. There is no way to think yourself out of it because the solution is irrational. They are feelings that healthy humans have, nothing more than that. Willpower is your only tool here. You can irrationally will yourself to seek solutions. You can practice clever ways to coax those feelings back into existence. You can take medicine to promote those feelings. In any case those feelings will probably return, as depression is typically episodic, and you can start being happy again by doing what's good and doing what's right and being successful. But the better you do the harder you'll fall when those feelings subside again and you're given another lesson about how all that "good" shit you did doesn't matter. One night when your happiness is in full swing, it'll just hit you. You wonder why you did any of it. And no matter what you do or think, your happiness is gone. Habits may carry you a while, but all motivation has vanished. You won't feel like pursuing your own happiness, but you'll feel a lot of other shit that's not so pleasant. You'll pretend nothing has changed, but it's just an act. You'll stretch your willpower to cover the void. If it's enough to bridge the gap, then congratulations on being functioning. If not, then welcome to the club.

just a blog to get thoughts straight.

what homework do i have this weekend/going forward? OB: read a chapter? IF: get started on my eSports paper! 15 pages gogo Sports: read a chapter ACCT: remember to wring the professors neck for screwing me out of points, read a chapter? MIS: online homework on WileyPlus <<- seriously a joke site OK. so i have homework, when i thought i didn't. let's do it. ........... tomorrow